Many MEN choose to marry because THEY love the girl. Many girls are willing to marry a man who works hard at loving THEM.
The result is many marriages where the Man loves the Woman way, way more then she loves him. The men quickly learn this is truly HELL. A woman who does not love you is typically emotionally abusive through ACTION and INACTION. The action is constantly being critical which makes you think you suck. The INACTION is denying you sex - which makes you feel unloved.
My wife and I got off to a bit of a rough start. We fixed it though. She taught me to be more lovable, I taught her to be less bitc*y. Part of that was I told her I would leave her if she really felt she deserved someone better.
A lot of these men get confused and think that by being more ';helpful'; around the house their wives will love them more. LOL. Yes your wife is greatful if you are a helpful guy. And yes she will be resentful if you don't do your fair share. But NO AMOUNT of being a SUPER MAID is going to make a wife love you.There are many married men who think marriage is hell (many give the advice: if you wanna be happy,don't marry?
A famous author ( Bradshaw ) once said ';Show me a single man, then I'll show you a happy man';. Men and women are human beings. As with all human beings, we change over the years, having our own characteristics that come with it over time as well. Marriage is work in not only accepting and adjusting with these changes, but also the pressures of every day living ( work, kids, mortgage, etc.)
That may be some of the men who have been divorced 3x and remarried again. In that case, he needs to look for his answers in a mirror. There are some men and women who cannot grasp the compromise and communication in their marriages and only care to do childish and selfish things that exclude their spouses. If a married man is giving you that advice, ask him to explain why he feels that way. Not all men do.
hear this from a married woman, it is that we married the wrong person... I believe you can make a marriage work but you have to not break the golden rules.... never ever deny sex.... never ever forget to say you love them in the morning and before you fall asleep and just because during the day they pop in your head at work, even though they never left your mind... send them sexy notes so that when you walk though the door they want to rip your clothes off.... lol...marriage is not all about sex but it keep the marriage alive and well... but it is also about respect...love and honor each other every single day and night and ever single second of the day.... and if she can't do that or you can't then I would not even bother getting married!! because it will end up with two lonely people who can't stand the site of each other!!! and never cheat on her if she is at home trying to make your life the best ever...cause one day you might wake up and find her not next to you.... or you will wake up and find her not loving you....loving someone else, and it will not be her fault~
not only men feel this way. I'm a woman and I feel this way. But I do tell folks that MY experience was bad, n also, I've heard n seen many like mine, so that's y I'm speaking. But most just seem to hear marriage is bad, so stay single. The appropriate q is this, y did u marry? They were single once, n then they married, n yrs later after the love wore off, n the kids came, they're not happy anymore. They've known others in their shoes prior to marriage...so y'd they take the plunge against advice? Life is different for everyone, this is y it PAYS to KNOW urself, n stand ur ground. Because many will try to tell u what they want for u. But in reality, it's what they THINK would be best for u, based on what THEY know, or what THEY wished they had done. So the saying hold's true, to thine own self be true.
I';ve seen ppl tell me to get re-married. Y? They're marriage is wonderful. They found mr. perfect for them, n they think my ex was just a crater in the bumpy road of life. They want me to pull myself out. Others who've been where I'm at, tell me to stay single, for I'll be happy. See, u only give advice based on what u see, hear, n know...based on ur experience n observation. It's not always that misery loves company, it might be that they dont want to see u make the same mistake they did, but they dont KNOW how it will turn out for u...n that's what they're forgetting. Most things in life are shades of color, not black n white like ppl would like to bellieve.
Marriages today are much worse off, because of several things.
1. Society has lessened the worth and value placed on marriage. Basically, morals have been destroyed as have the natural roles of men and women. People do not care about anything but what they want, how they see things and so forth. If they cannot have their own way, they would rather leave, instead of facing the fact that maybe they are wrong or not working to make things good.
2. Women have been sold a bill of goods and men are paying the bill. Women have a warped view of what a man is suppose to be, what her role in marriage is, etc. For the most part, if the woman is not happy your life is going to be hell, even if her unhappiness is her own doing or of her own making. Many women are far to unrealistic and they demand that you fulfill what their idea of marriage is, no matter how unrealistic it may be.
3. I will advise that you visit a site. www.nomarriage.com. I suggest this not to be mean, not because I have a vested interest in the site or anything like that. I say it because there is a lot of information there that you would be wise to see and consider before you ever contemplate getting married. The information on that site may help you understand why many men feel as they do. I give you one example of information on the site. You may laugh. Go ahead. Below is exactly how many men find their lives being torn up and for the most part, there is little they can do about it. Guys are just getting fed up and they are trying to tell you how things can be in order to help you in the future.
Example:
Are you a loser?
Let's translate ';loser'; from women-speak into English.
';Loser'; in woman-speak simply means a man who is smart enough to do things that are in HIS best interest.
* You don't spend your hard-earned money on women - you are a loser
* You expect regular sex - you are a loser
* You are not interested in marriage - you are a loser
* You don't want to be stuck with kids - you are a loser
* You don't want to slave away 60 hours a week so a woman can buy a new SUV every year - you are a loser
* You prefer South American women who treat you better - you are a HUUGE LOOOSER
The alternative to ';loser'; is a pussyfied man, or simply a p ussy. A puss yfied man does what a woman wants - he is a docile schmuck who slaves away at work and pays her bills, lets her do what she wants, does not tell her when she is wrong and does not pesters her for sex. Another words, he is an ideal husband.
';you wanna be happy...?';
OK, plan it.
Got thousands of years of human living to pick from. Got thousands, millions of great books to get the best from. Have psychiatrists, hookers, and ministers to talk to so you get the best things for you.
So why has everybody else in the history of men ignored all that?
';you wanna be happy...?';
We pick.
We see. We think. We pick.
You think we're pickin' because of happy? No.
Something else goes on. Look at your own Mom and Dad. No, really. Look hard. You really think happy put them together? You lived there. You know better.
We be more than happy. It's a lousy analogy...but remember in The Matrix when the computer said they tried making the ditigal world a paradise and people died because they couldn't handle it. Read Twain's confusion at living for a little while in Hawaii, in a paradise he couldn't understand or absorb.
Something else goes on. Marriage is about much more than happy. Logical people wouldn't start something so serious with a 50% sadness rate. Even higher for second marriages.
Married people are doing more than happy. They're having real life. A real relationship means you can't pretend you don't suck or that they don't. You have to be better or you are done. Period.
Is getting to better hell? Sometimes, yeah. For sure. But then you're both better. Kinda makes up for being sucky. Not completely, but mostly. It's not some kinda paradise. We got kicked outta that for being sucky. But it's OK, even pretty good a lotta times.
yea it takes to make a marriage work. A lot of patience and love for the other person. Communication is the key , understanding each others needs and wants. I can say my marriage is a roller coaster but i would not change it for anyone else. Running is not an option for me. Those vows is what keeps my marriage going. Also i try not to just think of self i work on the self and try a different approach this way we understand each other.
You cannot let another person or gender mold and shape your ideals on marriage. Most are not happy because they chose not to be. Marriage is hard work and no one really wants to work anymore. If they were so unhappy they would not still be married. The heart wants what it wants period.
Men can only speak for themselves, and not generalize for all of us. If the ones that say this are correct, then who do they have to blame for living in hell?
After we end our lives, then God will decide if we go to Heaven or Hell. Seems rather stupid to me that someone on Earth would choose to live in hell.
My advice...only listen to the advice you want to hear.
Here's the truth: Marriage and being with the same person gets very old...very quick....no matter how hot that broad is.
And guess what...most women get the frump on after squezzing out a few kids.....would you be looking foward to bumping uglies with a frumpinator? I think not.
Thus, dude needs side action and marriage sucks.
Any marriage can be hell depending on how you treat it and cherish it. Those who ';live'; in their hell are those who never put the work into it to make it something good. You live in what you build.
Marriage is a piece of cake when you KNOW HOW to make it work!
http://www.google.com/search?client=oper鈥?/a>
It takes two to make a marriage work, so if someone is complaining, it's probably the one who isn't putting anything into his marriage?
They didn't go into the marriage knowing what it's like or what's needed. Overall some people are just unhappy. Marriage did wonders for me. I've never been happier.
They're usually in sucky marriages, which is why they tell others to not get married.
cause they marry to young and people change as they mature.
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